Wednesday, January 04, 2006

We interrupt this program

Contrary to some rumors flying around my house, our 9-month-old Baby of Mass Destruction is not the crawling-around-the-floor incarnation of Shiva the Destroyer of Worlds.

But there was this email I received from the Missus yesterday afternoon:

“You know those wine bottles we talked about moving? You have one less to move tonight.”

At first I thought perhaps, after a tough morning before the big baby hand-off to Grandma for the day, she had decided to gulp down a bottle of Chateau Vanniere 1992.


The small wine rack we keep (rather, kept, as of about 9 p.m. last night) in the kitchen had suffered a casualty at the tiny but persistent hands of BMD. Only a week ago, he was quite content to sit in the family room and play with his Gymtastic Play Wall while Mom stood in the kitchen a few feet away and prepared his fresh-fruity breakfast. Something about the New Year has motivated him, though, to begin crawling after her when she puts him down and steams off in some other direction.

As we have discovered, he is now capable of High-Speed Crawling. And he has a Stealth Mode, too (which, however, he does not use when in pursuit of Sam the Cat).

Mom had no sooner stuffed the first piece of fruit into the Baby Food Musher, when she looked up to see our 19-pound marauder – having completed his hot pursuit into the kitchen area - reaching up to accost one of the lower-racked bottles.

The crash followed quickly, it appears. Broken bottle, scared baby, messy tile floor. No permanent damage – although Dad will spend the next 3 to 7 days receiving an occasional Glare of Death from Mom because, of course, it’s All My Fault.

Except for a few cheap stinkers that we shouldn’t have kept around to begin with, the surviving bottles have been placed in a secret location. We will probably convert the small rack into a climbing wall, or bib hanger or something appropriate to our new life’s mission.

And the Baby of Mass Destruction will have to move along to his next target.

1 comment:

Jim said...

Hey, that was pretty funny. I remember those days well. "Stealth mode"... haha...
The first time Bryce stood up by himself was at Walmart. In his stroller, while Denise and I were standing about 10 feet away arguing about who was going to go back inside to get a refund on the item they had double charged us for. I see Denise's eyes get really large, and then she screams, and then I turn around and watch in slow motion as he does a back flip over the side of the stroller. Like those old film clips of the scuba divers going backwards over the edge of the boat? The sick sound of his head smacking into the hard floor. We rushed him to the ER in a panic, and waited for the doctor to announce his skull fracture, brain hematoma, or broken neck. His diagnosis: babies have soft skulls, he's fine.
whew..... stupid kids.
Oh, and we never did get that refund from Walmart.